I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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