Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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