He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
