I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
