guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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