I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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