This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
