she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
