I'm eating all of the evidence.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
