Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
