Apparently you make a good broom.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
