he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
