Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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