Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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