New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
