I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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