suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My life is pants optional.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
