can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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