Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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