I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
