we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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