put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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