i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
