Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
