youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
