shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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