Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Houston, we have a squirter
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
