your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
