Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
