I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
