if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
