There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
