She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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