God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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