on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
