honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
