do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
