i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
