I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
