Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
