somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
