What a fucking waste of an outfit
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
