I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
