That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Of course I have a pirate flag
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
