Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
