Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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