We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
