Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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