my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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