I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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