Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
