I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I don't think brook has ever known best
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
