Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
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