ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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