I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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