I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
