I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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