I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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