shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
