Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
