During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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