Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
