Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
