Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
