There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize