look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Four minutes until I can fart!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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