Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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