You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
