I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
