i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
