I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
