why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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