I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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